Monday, February 20, 2012

Dear Mr. Patterson

Dear James Patterson,

I am sorry that I neglected to include your latest novel (with co-author Mark Sullivan) , "Private Games," in last week's "Laydown Lowdown."  Therefore, I have dedicated today's post to you!

I consider Monday to be "your" day anyway as your books are always released on a Monday, a day before books are traditionally released.  This always baffled us booksellers. Why do you release your books "early."  Are you trying to help your fans beat a "case of the Mondays?"  Now that I think of it, "A Case of the Mondays," sounds like a great title you could use to co-author your next book with!

We are also curious as to why you seem to write a lot of your recent releases with a co-author.  In the past, you wrote your "Women's Murder Club," and "Alex Cross" novels all by yourself.  Now, your books always seem to have a co-author.  You also write for many genres now and have many books released during the year-on Mondays!  How do you find the time to fit that all in?

I hope you don't mind but in all my years of shelving and setting up displays for your books, I gave you a nickname.  I began calling you "Jimmy P."  This nickname caught on and soon all of us booksellers began calling you "Jimmy P." 

I also feel the need to apologize for never reading one of your books.  Many of them look very interesting but short chapters are a pet peeve of mine.  I think chapters should be longer than two pages.  To me, it's like having a paragraph the consists of only two sentences.  It just annoys me for no legitimate reason.  However, you're a best-selling author.  So, you don't really need my purchasing support.

I played an awesome prank on a fellow bookseller once.  Your publisher sent us a press kit for "Beach House" (co-authored by Peter DeJong). It included a postcard with your "signature" on it.  This press kit came in while the bookseller who I'll call "A" was out to lunch.  When "A" returned from lunch, I told him he'd just missed you.  I flashed the postcard.  I told him I couldn't believe just a big-name author stopped in our little store.  He told me you grew up not too far from us and must've been back in the area.  He got all upset and asked why I didn't call him to come down from the food court.  I started cracking up. 

Finally, I would like to offer you one piece of advice.  You should have a more flattering photo of yourself taken for your book covers.  I saw you in passing at Book Expo America and you are much healthier looking than your photos convey.

In the future, I will try not to forget you in my upcoming "Laydown Lowdown" posts.  Just in case, anyone reading this open letter should look for "Guilty Wives," with co-author David Ellis on Monday, March 26, 2012 and "I, Mark Bennett," with co-author Michael Ledwidge on Monday, July 9, 2012.


Jenn N.

Happy Monday aka James Patterson's Day-and you thought today was President's Day !!  Consider it James Patterson's Day with co-authors The Presidents?